Sometimes I think of you. I think of your laugh and your smile. I think of your hair and how it reflected your cool and funky spirit. I think of the pleasure you took in little things. I think of how well you knew me.
Sometimes I wonder what you might be doing now. Have you just gone on without another thought of me? Does your heart and spirit rest easy knowing how you broke mine?
It’s common knowledge that when a bone is broken, it heals stronger in the place where it broke. I have seen many sentiments that suggest hearts are the same way. A broken heart that has healed is stronger in the places where it broke. I don’t think that’s true. I think a broken heart heals and the pattern of scars that are crackled through it falter more easily. It doesn’t take much. A street we were once on together. A food or restaurant we once shared. Even some smells – make those stitched up wounds tear and bleed.
The pain lances through me, hot and fast. It takes my breath away. My heart falters and skips a beat. Sometimes – even all this time later – it still makes me tear up a little. Although now… Now I am sad at the loss of YOU. All of the pain and anger and blame have gone. Now I just feel an emptiness where you once were.
I feel the absence of you in my spirit and in my soul. Someone I thought I’d never lose. Someone I thought would be near me always. Someone I will, no matter how much time passes, hold space for in my heart.